Reconnecting

This week I've been thinking about reconnecting with Biruk after an absence. It struck me as odd a few days ago that he cries bitterly if I leave him, but when I come back he gives me the most casual greeting and keeps on with whatever he is doing.

At first I had interpreted this behavior as the standard toddler fake out, of which Joey was the master: cry desperately for Mommy if she tries to leave, but if she does, take about 90 seconds to recover, knowing full well that she'll eventually return. But this week I began to suspect that something else was going on. First of all, Biruk doesn't know I will return. In less than two years, he has lived in one family plus four orphanages. How many care givers is that? Secondly, he could be taking my departure as a rejection. And thirdly, he might be protecting his heart against the pain of being abandoned yet again by pretending that he really doesn't care if I come back.

So this week I have been making a point of deliberately reconnecting with Biruk after each separation. I immediately go to him, I look him in the eye, I share my joy at seeing him again with a big hug, etc. It may be coincidence, but I think I'm seeing a big payoff! We're reaching new levels of cuddliness, not to mention calm and contented sitting in my lap. When you're trying to parent a perpetual motion machine, you can't believe how precious those moments are!