The Better Thing

Alan and I have always been interested in how to alleviate the suffering of children in the world. Before adopting, our main way to exercise this concern had been to sponsor children overseas. I always thought this was pathetically inadequate and typically American - for the cost of one dinner out a month, I could supply one child with a month's tuition for school, a couple of good meals a day, basic medical care, and hope for a better future for that child, the child's family and the child's community. Small sacrifice on our part, guilt assuaged, and the world a better place.

Adopting a child, on the other hand - making that child a member of our family and committing to that child for the rest of his or her life - requires lots and lots of sacrifice, financially, emotionally and physically. Despite that, many people who adopt from Ethiopia see the great need there, and find themselves compelled to make room in their family for more and more, until the next thing they know, their family car is a 16-seater van. This sacrifice is recognized by others and rewarded with kudos and encouragement, along of course with the occasional "Are you crazy?"

So which of these things - adopting or sponsoring - is the better thing? And, now that we've been to Ethiopia and seen the need, is there a mini-bus in our future? Well, two experiences in Ethiopia have really shaped my thinking on this.

The first was meeting a really great guy named Yosef, who was a driver for Biruk's orphanage in Addis Ababa. I spent the morning with Yosef on a whirl-wind souvenir shopping expedition. While driving through the crowded Addis streets - which apparently have traffic rules of some sort, but not the kind that you or I would recognize - Yosef looked straight into my eyes...via the rear-view mirror...and told me about his childhood as a street kid in a family that was falling apart, and how he had been saved and given a future by being sponsored by an American family through some organization. He had a message that he really, really wanted me, and also any of you who sponsor children, to hear: THANK YOU.

Yosef and his wife have a ministry working with street kids in Addis to get them off the street - particularly girls, who are so vulnerable in obvious ways. So whoever sponsored Yosef in the first place not only blessed that one child, but now that child has become a blessing to others. Is that awesome or what?

The second experience was hearing first-hand about the meeting between the father who had relinquished his rights to his two lovely daughters, ages 5 and 7, and the adoptive parents who were bringing them home the same week as us. This man clearly loved his children, and had not made his decision easily or selfishly. Most of us have seen poverty to one degree or another, but it's hard to imagine a life that requires you to work so hard it's killing you, and yet your efforts are still not enough to keep alive the people you love. The grief of the father and his daughters in saying goodbye to each other, and the grief of the adoptive parents knowing that they are providing a good solution to a terrible problem that no parent should ever have to face, will stay with me a long time.

So, no - I don't think we'll adopt more children. I think that's a noble calling, but the Brockett family now feels complete. The idea that has grabbed me is that those sponsorships that I previously thought so little of are, in fact, so meaningful! The trick is to not just sponsor one child or three and think I'm done - that was the part that was inadequate.

Rather, Alan and I should put the same level of commitment and sacrifice that adoption requires into sponsoring children and helping families through a trustworthy and effective organization like Compassion International. (Well, ok - maybe a little less. I'm not sure we could keep this pace up.) But seriously, for just the cost of our airfare to Ethiopia and back, we could sponsor 15 children for a year, or one 3-year old child all the way through high school. And you know us - we love efficiency! (Whether we could keep up a letter correspondence with 15 children is a completely different matter. Based on our past performance, the answer is definitely no.)

This post, of course, sets up a simplistic choice. There are so many ways to slice and dice the issues of poverty and child welfare. Suffice it to say, we're so glad to have Biruk in our family, and we're also so glad to have a clearer vision of how we personally want to focus on these issues going forward.

The picture above is of Biruk's uncle the day he left Biruk at an orphanage.